Self-Diagnosis: PMDD
I knew about PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome), but I had no idea that PMDD (pre-menstrual disphoric disorder) existed.
Slowly, a few years ago, I discovered it.
PMDD a sad challenging four-letter
acronym that many women are faced with.
It stands at the extreme opposite of my
conception of the modern strong woman... the one that I thought that I was.. the one I had hoped I would become.
Early in in my teenage years, I wanted to either defend the
vulnerable or represent the ideal intelligent woman in the corporate world. Two different things but both requiring strength. I went to law school because I loved balance, logic, strength. So how did I become so...vulnerable despite
all of this determination? How could my stability and moderation regularly vanish for a few days, to then reappear again, as if nothing was?
PMDD is my self-diagnosis of the
challenge I face on a monthly, bi-monthly or quarterly basis depending on the
year. From my readings of books, scientific
data, articles and personal stories, I had to concede that the PMDD muse
definitely visits me.
My medical doctor did not know what I had. When I went to my competent
general practitioner describing my symptoms, he told me totally normal and
concluded that the mood swings are common among women especially with the
increased pressure of the stress
of balancing career with kids as in my case. At most he could refer me to a psychologist. However, I have found that the pendulum
can swing far enough for a PMDD analysis even if when I visited him and most of
the time, I am “normal”. This is
the callenge with PMDD, most women with PMDD do seem very normal, even
particularly nice part of the time.
The internet saved me from thinking that it was just me. My dear husband helped me see how much
my perception of myself, of others and of situations changed radically for two to three days 14 days
before my menstrual period and then again 7 days before. Nature (i.e. hormonal sensitivity) had won over mind. And there was little I could do to trick my brain.
The calendar is both friend and enemy. On one hand, it gives me a certitude that the problem is
not "me", fundamentally, and that it will go away with just enough days passing
by. Regularly, I will go through mood swings. They are not irregular, I am not bipolar nor am I suffering a major depression. On the other hand, I know that
the struggle that I will face is
certain sooner or later.
The fact that the symptoms do not occur monthly give me the illusion
that the muse has left forever... that is until the next time she reappears.
Now that the problem was here, without resort to an appeal's court, (despite disappearing acts), how was I going to deal with it? How could I build my defense?
Do you have PMDD or know someone who does? How did you find out about the diagnosis? What resources have you found helpful? Books? Internet resources? Please share!
Shell
